Who Cares?

Other people don't know
What I feel for you inside
They can't even try to fathom
The burning cessation in my heart.

Who cares about them?
They are neither you nor me
What matters most is us
What matters most is us!

She can't possibly feel
The way I feel for you
She can't give you
What I can give you

I'd give you the world
If you let me
I'd give you my heart
If you'd only accept it.

Who cares about the other guys?
Younger or older
I certainly don't
When I have you beside me

Other guys can't make me smile
The way you do
They can't make my heart beat
Faster and slower at the same time

Who cares about what other people think
When all I care about is you?
Who cares about what I feel?

...certainly, it's not you...

Impossibility

This is it...
I've fallen into something
I couldn't get myself out of.

There's no looking back
I'd be lying to myself
If I say, I'd never like you.

I might just be stuck in a coma
And dreaming this whole thing up
But my heart can't lie, I've fallen for you.

Here I go again
With unrequited love
Why do I keep punishing myself?

Falling for someone who can't be for me
Forcing something to happen
When it's an impossibility.

At night, my eyes burn
With tears of longing  to be in your arms
At night, I close my eyes and dream

Dream about the impossibility
That I could ever be for you
I hurt knowing the truth.

You push me away
Yet I keep hurting myself
Trying to hold on to the sharp end of the knife.

My demented heart, it beats for you
But you just let me be
Ignoring the fact that there could be

...a possibility...

What Is Love?

Earlier today while sitting idly at a Thai restaurant with friends and family waiting for our food to come to our table, my eyes happen to set upon an elderly couple. To some people, they may just be some random couple. But my eyes, glazed with unrequited love, saw something else.

The elderly couple was tenderly holding each others hands as the man, with the feeble steps of age, led the strikingly charming woman towards the glass doors of the restaurant. They smiled at each other when the man couldn't open the door and the waitress had to open it for them. Their eyes sparkle when they meet each other's gaze and the man softly puts his wife's small hand into both of his as they slowly walk hand in hand into the restaurant.

That, to me, is true love. Love tested by age, experiences, trials and tribulations. Love which, no matter how long they've been together, flames never die.

I tweeted about this, too. About how nothing makes my heart happier than seeing an old couple doing the smallest thing like holding hands but with a lot of love in their hearts that reflect in both their eyes.


I wish upon wish and I hope upon hope that someday, I find someone who will be with me for the rest of my life, through ups and downs, through smiles and frowns.  I want to find that special someone who will count every wrinkle and every gray hair with me and still would be able to tell me, "you're the most beautiful and special woman I've ever met".

Forgive me for being a sap, a hopeless romantic.... but right now, my eyes are glazed over with unrequited love because stupid cupid couldn't hit him with his arrow.

Going Crazy In Love

What can I do?
I've fallen for someone
Who couldn't possibly be for me.
He's there; I'm here so we can't be as one.

We're of different worlds
With different minds
And of different hearts.

But I can't help but fall
For his charms (at times)
For his smile
For his unexpected hugs and kisses

There's something about him
I couldn't quite grasp
I don't know anything about him
But I just couldn't keep my hands off him.

I get jealous when he looks at others
I get jealous when he talks about other girls
I get jealous when he wears that shirt

I don't know a single thing that runs in his brain
Yet I can't help it; I've fallen for someone
Who can't possibly be for me

...Simply because he doesn't want  me to be his...

Out of Sight, Out of Mind? ...Not Quite!

It's been three weeks since I saw him or received a text message from him. I'm beginning to wonder... was it all a dream? Did I just imagine the whole thing? Was I so caught up with my little fantasy of my relationship with my best friend since we were 13 years old blossoming into something more than just a puppy love?

Maybe...

Or maybe I've turned into Twilight's Bella Swan when she would keep having fantasies of her vampire boyfriend stopping her from doing something stupid (Twilight Saga: New Moon)...

Whatever it is, I know this is for sure: It's confusing, it's hard, it's frustrating...

My heart skipped a beat when we first started "dating"... it got bigger and tender when he said, "I love you".... but now, it's just sitting on the floor, shattered into tiny million pieces and I'm too tired to pick it up for I know that it will just be shattered once again....

So, i decided to cut my hair.... a total change... I wanted to have another cartilage ear pierce, but decided against it. A total physical change was what I needed, I thought... still didn't help....

I would heal, I know it... when? I have no clue. How? Maybe watching FIFA world cup would help and ogle over Higuain (#9 Argentina Team)... it would be a great distraction, but in the back of my mind, the pain is still there.

How could he do this? After he said that I was special? That I made him happy? LIES! Niether sticky tape nor duct tape can mend what is broken inside me now.... I may be happy on the outside, and stick a stupid smile on my face and go about my daily life... but inside, I'm as hollow as the rabbit hole Alice fell in...

The Persistent Heart: A Short Story

(Original/fiction)

Once there was a girl with a heart as big as it could be. She loved to hear her heart flutter as she looked at something that was pleasing to her, like a beautiful Dali painting at a nearby museum.

One day, as she was walking along the park eating an ice cream cone, her eyes happened to wander towards the eyes of a charming man with beautiful green eyes. Her heart started beating loudly and felt as if it wanted to jump out of her chest and run towards him.

She dropped her ice cream cone because her heart sent shivers through her arms as it beat louder and faster.

He smiled.
She smiled back.

She sat down on the bench and tried to regain her composure. She coyly tucked her hair behind her ear and flashed a hint of a smile. She saw him walking towards her! Her heart beat faster and faster.

He was getting closer... and closer...

"HI!" came the sultry honey-smooth voice of the man.

She lifted her head so she could reply back with her gorgeous eyes ONLY to see that he was walking toward a DIFFERENT GIRL!!

She was embarrassed! She remained on the bench sitting there with a blush of embarrassment on her cheeks.

The couple walked away as she breathed more evenly and her heart relaxed. She was about to leave when she heard somebody sit beside her. She looked with curious eyes and saw a man with deep-brown eyes and alabaster skin.

Her heart started beating fast again.
At first she thought that her heart was beating TOO loud. She then realized that her heart was hearing the nervous beating of his heart as well as they sat there and got to know more about each other.

Was I IN love with you?

One of my very good girl friends just asked me... "what's the difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone?"

She brought up this question when she asked me about this guy I used to date years ago. Things didn't go well between me and him and we ended up being good friends. She asked me if I loved him and if I was depressed after the "break up".

I told her, well.. I loved him but I wasn't IN love with him.

The difference, I told her, was this:

I loved him because I cared for him and I wanted his company most of the time. I loved him because he was always there for me when I needed him. I loved him because of the way he held my hand as he led me towards the cave by the beach. I loved him because he took care of me always wanted to see me happy.

I kinda knew I wasn't IN love with him because my love for him wasn't growing. It stayed the same. When we kissed, I didn't feel sparks and I didn't feel any passion no matter how torrid the kiss was. We held hands most of the time, but the only heat I could feel was the normal human body heat being exchanged and my palm was sweaty not because I was nervous or giddy with delight but because it felt naturally warm inside his warm hands. No feeling.

But I tried to be IN love with him. It didn't work. The feeling was mutual and, unfortunately, he beat me to telling the truth. He said, "I think we should just be friends". My heart hurt, naturally. The feeling of rejection pained me like a thousand arrows shot through my heart. He actually said afterwards, "You're a great girl. The world needs more people like you". (Which to this day, I still don't understand why he said that!)

I told him I wanted to be alone, and he respected me. I love him for that. It took me a week to heal. A week full of walking by the pier by myself and watching the sea lions play. A week full of coffee. A week full of train rides going particularly nowhere then coming back home.

A week later, he asked me out for dinner. I accepted graciously. We talked as friends. I love him for this. He talked about the other girls he dated and I talked about the boys I dated. We laughed. I love him for this. We both knew that we were great as friends and that's how it will always be. We had our moment, at least we tried. I love him for that.

I love him as my best guy friend and I will cherish the memories we had, both good and bad. I can really say, I love him but I'm not IN love with him and I know it goes both ways.