Roller Coaster of Life.... and Dreams

Sometimes we're up and sometimes we find ourselves going down... other times, we feel like our world has gone topsy-turvy.

Well, i think i'm in a loop now.  I've been sooo down these days, but today, after meeting my friends and taking a trip down memory lane... i feel like i'm going up to a loop now cos i know that the days that follow, i would feel miserable again.

Call this a cry for help or a cry for advice... but.... any tips on how to stay focused and keep thinking positively?

MUCH LOVE to all my bloggy friends who are always there to support me when i need it. ^_^

When You Can't Accept that "He's Just NOT That Into You"

Yes, I recently read that book because it was recommended to me by one of my friends.  I can say that I learned a lot from it. It's a real eye-opening book, believe it or not.  BUT! It's so much easier to understand what you're reading that actually applying it in real life. These are just some of what I remember and what I can relate to:

"He's just not that into you if he disappears on you"
- yes, i've had this experience and believe me.. it wasn't peachy, especially since it was one of my guy friends since we were in grade school.  We dated in high school, and we dated as adults again (hoping that the 'maturity' has set in for both of us). It started out great and we got to reconnect. He even said that he loves me. All of a sudden *POOF!* he vanishes into thin air--no calls, no texts, no nothing. 
- Greg (the author of the book) wrote that girls shouldn't waste their time thinking about "WHY?" because there's no other reason than "he's just not that into you"
-BUT it's so damn hard NOT to think about it because there's no closure. Of course, I wanted to know WHY?! alright, he may not be into me... but at least he could have told me straight up.

"He's just not that into you if he bullies you"
- The term "bullying" is a touchy matter.  I think that you are being bullied if you are deeply offended or affected by what other people are directly saying about you or are doing to you.  I'm seeing (we just had  a chance for a 'real' date once but we see each other everyday at work) this guy who always calls me names. At first it was funny for me, too. But it became an everyday (nay, every minute) occurrence that it started to annoy the hell out of me. Then he started saying things about me to other people. BUT when we're alone, he couldn't keep his eyes and hands off me.
- Greg said, that these kinds of guys are insecure and should be avoided at all costs because any guy who bullies a girl would just not be that into the girl.
-BUT if you've already fallen hard for this guy, it's hard to detach your feelings from him.  Yes, we started out fine and he just progressed into this name-calling machine. My feelings are already grounded and it's hard to pull them out.
 - This guy also seems to not care AT ALL about how i feel. He used to be ok.. but now, he just doesn't show that he cares. He even ignored me today and acted all "i-don't-give-a-damn-care-about-what-you-do". AND he started messaging other girls on Facebook, calling them 'honey' or 'sweetie' or commenting on photos and videos of other girls with 'HOT!' or "you're pretty".



SO WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?

There are guys out there who are plain and simple COWARDS.  Instead of being a real man and telling me how they feel straight up, they simply vanish into thin air or try to hurt me (possibly hoping that I would go away).  Well you know what? Too bad that they're cowards.  When I like somebody, I like them from the heart. And if they're too stupid to realize how much love i can give them, then it's their loss. It's CLICHE, i know.

It's so easy to write all this down, but i can't seem to apply what i've written in real life.  Right now, i'm overcome with mixed emotions of anger, confusion and pain.  I so want it all to be ok. I want me to be ok and strong. But in reality, deep inside i'm crumbling into millions of tiny pieces--again.  I want to know why. WHY? Am I that ugly that they just keep running away as soon as they get close to me?  Now, that makes me even more depressed.

Who Cares?

Other people don't know
What I feel for you inside
They can't even try to fathom
The burning cessation in my heart.

Who cares about them?
They are neither you nor me
What matters most is us
What matters most is us!

She can't possibly feel
The way I feel for you
She can't give you
What I can give you

I'd give you the world
If you let me
I'd give you my heart
If you'd only accept it.

Who cares about the other guys?
Younger or older
I certainly don't
When I have you beside me

Other guys can't make me smile
The way you do
They can't make my heart beat
Faster and slower at the same time

Who cares about what other people think
When all I care about is you?
Who cares about what I feel?

...certainly, it's not you...

Impossibility

This is it...
I've fallen into something
I couldn't get myself out of.

There's no looking back
I'd be lying to myself
If I say, I'd never like you.

I might just be stuck in a coma
And dreaming this whole thing up
But my heart can't lie, I've fallen for you.

Here I go again
With unrequited love
Why do I keep punishing myself?

Falling for someone who can't be for me
Forcing something to happen
When it's an impossibility.

At night, my eyes burn
With tears of longing  to be in your arms
At night, I close my eyes and dream

Dream about the impossibility
That I could ever be for you
I hurt knowing the truth.

You push me away
Yet I keep hurting myself
Trying to hold on to the sharp end of the knife.

My demented heart, it beats for you
But you just let me be
Ignoring the fact that there could be

...a possibility...

What Is Love?

Earlier today while sitting idly at a Thai restaurant with friends and family waiting for our food to come to our table, my eyes happen to set upon an elderly couple. To some people, they may just be some random couple. But my eyes, glazed with unrequited love, saw something else.

The elderly couple was tenderly holding each others hands as the man, with the feeble steps of age, led the strikingly charming woman towards the glass doors of the restaurant. They smiled at each other when the man couldn't open the door and the waitress had to open it for them. Their eyes sparkle when they meet each other's gaze and the man softly puts his wife's small hand into both of his as they slowly walk hand in hand into the restaurant.

That, to me, is true love. Love tested by age, experiences, trials and tribulations. Love which, no matter how long they've been together, flames never die.

I tweeted about this, too. About how nothing makes my heart happier than seeing an old couple doing the smallest thing like holding hands but with a lot of love in their hearts that reflect in both their eyes.


I wish upon wish and I hope upon hope that someday, I find someone who will be with me for the rest of my life, through ups and downs, through smiles and frowns.  I want to find that special someone who will count every wrinkle and every gray hair with me and still would be able to tell me, "you're the most beautiful and special woman I've ever met".

Forgive me for being a sap, a hopeless romantic.... but right now, my eyes are glazed over with unrequited love because stupid cupid couldn't hit him with his arrow.

Going Crazy In Love

What can I do?
I've fallen for someone
Who couldn't possibly be for me.
He's there; I'm here so we can't be as one.

We're of different worlds
With different minds
And of different hearts.

But I can't help but fall
For his charms (at times)
For his smile
For his unexpected hugs and kisses

There's something about him
I couldn't quite grasp
I don't know anything about him
But I just couldn't keep my hands off him.

I get jealous when he looks at others
I get jealous when he talks about other girls
I get jealous when he wears that shirt

I don't know a single thing that runs in his brain
Yet I can't help it; I've fallen for someone
Who can't possibly be for me

...Simply because he doesn't want  me to be his...