Need your advice ^_^

Wow! It's been a while since I last posted here. I apologize for not posting these past few weeks.. it has been a roller coaster of a ride here.

I've been planning on a life change these days.. and i'm wondering whether it's a good idea to pursue a self-made career or not.

 I've started my own little video editing service, but it's still trying to get up on its own two left feet.. so everything's a little shaky. But i also want to try to sell handmade-crocheted-bracelets and bookmarks.. What's tricky here is the market.

Any advice, fellow bloggers? ^_^

Positivity!!! Bring It ON!!!

Last thursday, I have felt SOOOooo down in the dumps... thinking about how routine my job is, thinking about this guy who has been really messing with my mind... thinking about the upcoming 10 year-high school reunion we're gonna have... thinking about how my life has changed in the past 10 years.... the stress, the problems... etc.. etc....

I text messaged my best friend about all this and she replied with a high positive energy thursday night. So.... i thought to myself... you know what, she's right. I create my own problems, i have to look at the greener side of the fence. I have great friends whom I recently went on a weekend getaway with last week, at least I have a job, I have my health, I'm surrounded by great food and great people.

So, thursday night, I slept thinking that I should wake up with a better outlook on life. Lo and behold, Friday morning, no matter how stressed out I was about this guy and no matter how I had to drag my feet to get to work.... I had on a smile on my face and happy thoughts in my head.

I had a great Friday.

Saturday.... I still had positivity... I had a great day with my sister, too.

Sunday... I'm still thinking positive and I still have a smile on my face. Putting a smile makes me feel like I've lifted a ton off my shoulders!

POSITIVITY!!! I LOVE it!!!

To hell with stress! To hell with denials and untruthfulness!! I'm thinking about ME! It's ME time! ^_^

To my girls whom I went on a weekend getaway with, I luv ya! Thanks for easing my stress away with our super hot nature walk around the park that seems to have been forgotten by the government. Thanks for the late-night talks and making me realize my mistakes.

Here's what i learned:

A mini-vacation (or not so mini) is NOT about WHERE you go... it's about WHO you're going with. ^_^ and my girls are the best ones to go on a mini trip with!

Life as a Wheel

Life is like a wheel...
Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down
At times you feel like your going around in circles
Doing the same old routine every single day
Life can also get wear and tear
A scratch and some dirt
A few bumps on the road
Maybe even a nail.
We get punctured, then sealed
And we're good to go again.

Life's like that...

Mine has absolutely nothing exciting going on.
I'm a wheel stuck in the mud
While all the other wheels are passing me by...
Stuck and alone with no one to push me

Maybe, just maybe, given the right push
And the right set of mind,
I can go again.

But I'm too deep in the mud
Feeling too down to move
I'm starting to give up hope
Maybe I'll be stuck here forever...

Who Am I?

With so many things going on in each of our lives, it's easy to lose yourself in this crazy world we live in. I have seem to be wandering around aimlessly in this journey called "life".

Who am I? I am a woman.. a teacher.. a daughter.. a sister.. a friend.. a dreamer.

What does it all mean? Honestly, I have no idea. I'm able to call myself a lot of things, but I still don't know who I truly am and I still don't know which path to take as I come across crossroads in life.

A friend told me recently that I should think about "What is there FOR me?" as opposed to "What is it I WANT?" So, I asked her, should I leave it to fate? She answered:

"No, leave it to faith."

Faith could be a lot of things. Spiritual faith helps us gain perspective in this world full of inexplicable matters and events. Faith could also be our self-confidence, our faith in ourselves. If you believe good things will happen to you, then it will.

I wish I could listen to myself, but it's just so darn hard with everything going on. I feel the need to get away and search for myself but certain circumstances won't allow it to happen. I feel like I've strayed toward a quicksand of depression and got sucked in, half in the deep and half still seeing light.

I want to share a short poem that I personally wrote which can probably sum up the way I feel. I wrote this in my quiet office as my emotions controlled the words that my pen furiously wrote on a piece of scrap paper (this will be the VERY first time I publish one of my many poems for the public eye to see, so any comments or critiques would be deeply appreciated)


Darkness

Wandering these dark alleys
In the streets of life
I have found no one
Who could ease my strife

Lost and alone in the darkness
I have come to miss the light
Darkness envelopes me
As I fight to search for light

I'm blind in the dark
No smiles nor glee
I've forgotten happiness
But I long to see

I know there is light
Beyond the darkness, I see
A way out to the other side
In hopes of completion, I seek..

..I dream, I search, I wander..
...I wish, I hope, I could, I WILL!

-dreamer01-21-2010-