Picking Up the Pieces

I can't believe it. It's been three or four years since I last saw you. I still remember that day when you simply waved as I walked away. Not even a single tear trickled down your face--a face that I have loved and known every contour of.

We have been apart this long and I still cannot accept the fact that you have moved on. It still pains me to know the fact that you were able to simply turn your back, walk away and find another woman to love. I have seen the photos posted on Facebook for the world to see. I see that you are actually smiling with her in the photos. I took a step back in my mind and a sudden gush of realization hit me--you never smiled in the photos that were taken three or four years ago--the photos of us together shows you with your lips in a tight line. That wave of realization suddenly felt like a jackhammer was forced upon my chest. I can't believe it.

I guess I should have seen the clues three or four years ago when we were still together. I now realize as another tsunami of realizations hit me that I guess you never really cared that much for me when we were together. Do you remember that night you got so drunk that I had to walk you home and plop you down on your couch while your roommates stared at you in disbelief? I had to walk home by myself at 2:00AM! More than that, you completely forgot about what you did the next morning. Though you apologized, I still felt hurt and neglected.

You never even cared about our separation after graduation. You simply had to go back home and I had to (as you told me) "toughen up" for it. What the hell did that mean anyway? You never knew how much it hurt me, like someone was ripping my raw heart out of my chest with his bare hands, when you walked away with your bags in hand.

Why was I so stupid not to see those? I guess I was just madly and crazy in love with you back then... stupid fool, now, after all these years, this realization hit me like a rock on my head. What can I do now? Nothing because the past is the past and I cannot change it. I just learn from my mistakes and hope that I never repeat it again. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm happy you're happy with her, but I am going to tell you this: we were not made for each other; I see that you are happy with her (you ARE actually smiling in the photos with her!) so maybe you are better suited with her in the first place.

Our meeting was by chance and we both learned something from it. I will not hold a grudge because that won't do me any good. Instead, I will accept fate with grace and be happy knowing myself more and more as I search through the damage and pick up the pieces I've left behind three or four years ago--pieces that you have left on the floor without a second glance.