At a Loss for Words... or Text Messages...

After over a month of late-night calls and seemingly unlimited sugary-sweet text messages from this certain guy in my life, all of a sudden *POOF* the calls and text messages vanishes without a trace into thin air.

What's up with that? Don't go all "He's Just Not That Into You" mode! I read that book and yes, he is in one of those categories: he's 'the guy who is already in a relationship'. BOO!

Yes... yes... I know what kind of silly trap I got myself into. I fell into his charms and went blind all of a sudden. But now that I've managed to pull myself up to see the light, I know that what I did (or even about to do, most likely) was wrong... way wrong.


I can go on and on about the error of my ways, but I'd rather share the roller coaster ride of emotions I went and still am going through.

First, there was happiness in me. Who would've thought that the guy I've been best friends with and liked since we were 13 years old, would be the guy that I'd finally be able to spend more time with as "more than friends"?

Then, there was guilt. I always thought, "I'm hurting his girlfriend in the process" or "What if I were the girlfriend, how would I feel?"

Then there was nonchalance and the b*tch-attitude: "It's not my problem" or "I'm getting what I want anyway" or "sorry, 'girlfriend' but he's spending more time with me...score!"

After that, there came jealousy: "Why isn't he coming during lunch anymore?" "He's spending more time with her now!!" or "He's too busy with her now, I hate her!" or "what does she have that I don't?" and sometimes, "he's doing more stuff with her! Eww!"

Then came bitterness: "If he'd rather spend more time with her, then good riddance!" or "I'm prettier than her..."

Now there is sadness: "....how come he doesn't pick me?" "is there something wrong with me?"

But slowly, there's acceptance, hope and confidence: "I was able to live and be happy before all this happen, so I can just go back to being happy with my friends" and "If it's not meant to be, I won't force it" and "We're still friends, and if that's the way it should be between us, that that's the way it will be"

Honestly, I'm still jumping from one emotion to another. I still haven't set a firm foot on the last emotion... but it's there sometimes....

OY! the pickles I get myself into!  Thank God for good friends! I share everything with them and they are able to put a smile on my face and laughter in my heart, you know who you are! ^_^

To my bloggy friends or (Friend), thanks for taking time to read this post. You are the best !!


MUCH LOVE!

ps: have you or anyone you know ever been in this position before? What did u do or say?