When You Can't Accept that "He's Just NOT That Into You"

Yes, I recently read that book because it was recommended to me by one of my friends.  I can say that I learned a lot from it. It's a real eye-opening book, believe it or not.  BUT! It's so much easier to understand what you're reading that actually applying it in real life. These are just some of what I remember and what I can relate to:

"He's just not that into you if he disappears on you"
- yes, i've had this experience and believe me.. it wasn't peachy, especially since it was one of my guy friends since we were in grade school.  We dated in high school, and we dated as adults again (hoping that the 'maturity' has set in for both of us). It started out great and we got to reconnect. He even said that he loves me. All of a sudden *POOF!* he vanishes into thin air--no calls, no texts, no nothing. 
- Greg (the author of the book) wrote that girls shouldn't waste their time thinking about "WHY?" because there's no other reason than "he's just not that into you"
-BUT it's so damn hard NOT to think about it because there's no closure. Of course, I wanted to know WHY?! alright, he may not be into me... but at least he could have told me straight up.

"He's just not that into you if he bullies you"
- The term "bullying" is a touchy matter.  I think that you are being bullied if you are deeply offended or affected by what other people are directly saying about you or are doing to you.  I'm seeing (we just had  a chance for a 'real' date once but we see each other everyday at work) this guy who always calls me names. At first it was funny for me, too. But it became an everyday (nay, every minute) occurrence that it started to annoy the hell out of me. Then he started saying things about me to other people. BUT when we're alone, he couldn't keep his eyes and hands off me.
- Greg said, that these kinds of guys are insecure and should be avoided at all costs because any guy who bullies a girl would just not be that into the girl.
-BUT if you've already fallen hard for this guy, it's hard to detach your feelings from him.  Yes, we started out fine and he just progressed into this name-calling machine. My feelings are already grounded and it's hard to pull them out.
 - This guy also seems to not care AT ALL about how i feel. He used to be ok.. but now, he just doesn't show that he cares. He even ignored me today and acted all "i-don't-give-a-damn-care-about-what-you-do". AND he started messaging other girls on Facebook, calling them 'honey' or 'sweetie' or commenting on photos and videos of other girls with 'HOT!' or "you're pretty".



SO WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?

There are guys out there who are plain and simple COWARDS.  Instead of being a real man and telling me how they feel straight up, they simply vanish into thin air or try to hurt me (possibly hoping that I would go away).  Well you know what? Too bad that they're cowards.  When I like somebody, I like them from the heart. And if they're too stupid to realize how much love i can give them, then it's their loss. It's CLICHE, i know.

It's so easy to write all this down, but i can't seem to apply what i've written in real life.  Right now, i'm overcome with mixed emotions of anger, confusion and pain.  I so want it all to be ok. I want me to be ok and strong. But in reality, deep inside i'm crumbling into millions of tiny pieces--again.  I want to know why. WHY? Am I that ugly that they just keep running away as soon as they get close to me?  Now, that makes me even more depressed.

"Children of the Revolution"

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Back to me... I've still been feeling down these days. Last night, I watched my favorite movie, "Moulin Rouge" (2001). It always reminds me that, in this world, we have to believe in beauty, freedom, truth and above all things, we must believe in love..

Earlier today, one of my adult students (a mom) asked me,

"when are you getting married?".

This is one question that has been haunting me since I came back to my home country. Frankly, I don't know what to say. At first, I thought it was funny and just walked away with a smile on my face. However, after almost 4 years of being single, I don't find any humor in it at all. It pains me, though i don't show it, every single time they ask me,

"how come you don't have a boyfriend?" or
"why aren't you married yet?".

It pains me, then it irritates the hell out of me. I usually respond with,
"If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be single right now"

Every time I feel down in the dumps, at the end of the day, I go up to my room, pop Moulin Rouge in my dvd player and watch it. I could literally say the lines and sing the songs with them. I know it has a tragic ending, but the love between Christian (Ewan McGregor) and Satine (Nicole Kidman) is beyond description. It's a love that goes deeper than the word itself. A love that goes beyond the limits of this world.

And that's what I believe in.

Call me a hopeless romantic (or just hopeless) but LOVE is the only thing I hold on to. Yes, it's one of the causes of my cycles of depression, but when I'm out of my funk, I remember that if I believe in LOVE, I can get through anything. No wonder it's my favorite movie of all time.

LOVE is out there for me.
LOVE is what keeps me alive.
LOVE is not just from a boyfriend or a husband,
LOVE comes from your friends, family and even pets
LOVE is everywhere you look.

There's this elderly couple I always see around the park who is always together. They are already in their wheelchairs and are being pushed by their nurses--a male nurse for the elderly gentleman and a female nurse for the elderly, yet beautiful, lady. They don't talk to each other or at least I don't see them do, they can't hold hands anymore, even. Nevertheless, the way they look at each other while their nurses wheel them slowly around the park and stop only to eat their packed snacks or watch kids play soccer, their eyes are written with LOVE all over.

I won't lie... I am still DREAMING that the perfect guy for me would come out of nowhere, sweep me off my feet and whisk me away to happiness.

Yes, I am a DREAMER... a hopeless romantic...

Happy month of love, everyone!! hope yours is filled with special love with your family, friends and of course your significant others!! ^_^

I hope I find mine soon because I'm not getting any younger!

As the "Children of the Revolution" in Moulin Rouge said, "Believe in beauty, freedom, truth and love"