A Momentary Flashback

Recently, I had a flashback of memories from my university days. It made me wonder about the friends I've made, the people I've met and talked to, and the boys (of course) that captured my eyes and my heart. Where are they now?

I went to a university halfway around the globe from my country a few years back. I've met A LOT of interesting people, most of them became my friends while I was there. However, as the yearS passed by, and I went back to my part of the globe, I can't help but think about them, especially since I've lost touch with most of them.

True, there's facebook, and I've reconnected with my best friend who now lives a Pacific Ocean across me and even with my ex-boyfriend... the guy I dated... and the guy I had a crush on, but some of the wonderful people I met aren't even there! Here's a snippet of my momentary flashback:

- I had this professor who was about 32 years old when I was around 21. I admit, I had a HUGE crush on him and got all A's in his class. Funny thing was, I always asked him questions about the lesson even though I understood it completely. I even asked him if he wanted to watch a concert with me! haha! I was shot down, but that didn't stop me from admiring him and his greenish/grayish eyes, his trimmed and well-taken cared of goatie that he always played with and his tall, handsome physique! I wonder what he's doing these days?

- I met this guy in one of my english classes. He told me he was a Marine. We really hit it off and became friends. We studied together... well, not studied seriously... ok, we talked a lot in the library until we got scolded for it by the librarian. We took pictures together and he even helped me with a project of mine for a different class. He's a really good guy, cute, too! After one semester, I didn't see him around school anymore. Sad thing now is, I can't remember his name!! :( I still have our photo together (He's SO handsome!) ^_^. I want to reconnect with him, I just don't know how/where to begin. What with me being a forgetful person with names!

- There was this girl I met who was really kind to me on my first few weeks of my university days. She showed me around and always invited me to eat lunch with her, which i graciously accepted. We were great friends for one semester. I wonder how she is now? Again, I can't remember her name. :( What a friend I am!!

There's a lot more, but I won't bore you, my reader(s), with them. I just wanted to share these thoughts and memories with you because, I'm pretty sure you've met great people in your lives that you couldn't forget. Even if you were just with them for a short period of time, they made an impact that could last for years to come. We may forget their names, but their faces and the memories we shared with them will never fade away.

Was I IN love with you?

One of my very good girl friends just asked me... "what's the difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone?"

She brought up this question when she asked me about this guy I used to date years ago. Things didn't go well between me and him and we ended up being good friends. She asked me if I loved him and if I was depressed after the "break up".

I told her, well.. I loved him but I wasn't IN love with him.

The difference, I told her, was this:

I loved him because I cared for him and I wanted his company most of the time. I loved him because he was always there for me when I needed him. I loved him because of the way he held my hand as he led me towards the cave by the beach. I loved him because he took care of me always wanted to see me happy.

I kinda knew I wasn't IN love with him because my love for him wasn't growing. It stayed the same. When we kissed, I didn't feel sparks and I didn't feel any passion no matter how torrid the kiss was. We held hands most of the time, but the only heat I could feel was the normal human body heat being exchanged and my palm was sweaty not because I was nervous or giddy with delight but because it felt naturally warm inside his warm hands. No feeling.

But I tried to be IN love with him. It didn't work. The feeling was mutual and, unfortunately, he beat me to telling the truth. He said, "I think we should just be friends". My heart hurt, naturally. The feeling of rejection pained me like a thousand arrows shot through my heart. He actually said afterwards, "You're a great girl. The world needs more people like you". (Which to this day, I still don't understand why he said that!)

I told him I wanted to be alone, and he respected me. I love him for that. It took me a week to heal. A week full of walking by the pier by myself and watching the sea lions play. A week full of coffee. A week full of train rides going particularly nowhere then coming back home.

A week later, he asked me out for dinner. I accepted graciously. We talked as friends. I love him for this. He talked about the other girls he dated and I talked about the boys I dated. We laughed. I love him for this. We both knew that we were great as friends and that's how it will always be. We had our moment, at least we tried. I love him for that.

I love him as my best guy friend and I will cherish the memories we had, both good and bad. I can really say, I love him but I'm not IN love with him and I know it goes both ways.