When Panic Attacks!

Just this Friday, I attended my first client meeting with my supervisor and another co-worker.  I felt anxious and I almost had a panic attack.  I'm not used to meeting with BIG named clients since this was my first one EVER! I've dealt with individual clients back in the day when I was a wedding video editor. But BIG named clients? Never!

So this is me before the meeting: internally panicking as I helped prepare the communications plan for public relations articles, eating less than normal during lunch as I had butterflies in my stomach, sweating and drinking too much water that I had to pee right before we left.  We had to take a cab to the location of the meeting and unfortunately for us, the cab's air conditioning broke down not even half way there! So we had to crack the windows open. The temperature outside: 34 degrees Celsius/93.2 Fahrenheit!! It felt like a freakin' sauna in that cab!

Anyway, when we got to the location, we quickly tried to fix our hair, and wipe off the sweat on our foreheads before we met with the client.  The meeting was a breeze and I didn't even have to say anything at all! *whew!*

Now, my personal problem is... I'm becoming overwhelmed with the work because they're trying to give me multiple clients when I am still trying to feel my way through one! Remember: I've NEVER worked in public relations.

My plan: email the direct boss and say exactly how I feel. Risky, but I can still risk it as I am still in probation. Actually, my initial plan was to either fake an illness or go AWOL. Both bad ideas.

See, here's thing: I can sit down in the office and write drafts for articles... I can add ideas to the communication plans... BUT, for some reason, I can't do it for multiple clients! I was even too anxious for the first meeting. I might have social anxiety disorder... I'm not professionally diagnosed, but there's a big possibility that I do have it.  I can sit and work in my little cubicle space in the office without anyone bothering me. I live in my own little writing world when I'm in my office space.

Oh well.. we'll see how it goes...
by the way, *whispers* add Nestle whole grain cereal, like Fitnesse, in your diet to keep you healthy! *wink*

So... Now What?

Officially, today was my second day at my new job. Yesterday, on my first day... I went in and much to my surprise, the bosses weren't there and my new co-workers didn't even know that I was going to come in on that day!

Well... they quickly gave me a tour of the office and introduced me to all the people (which I can't remember all their names! *shame*) and the IT guy set me up with an email account and set up my own PC cubicle station.

Then.. for the whole day on my first day, I did absolutely NOTHING! I surfed the web, pretending to read about our clients for 8 hours! Seriously, and this is no joke.. I could literally feel my brain turn into a rotting pile of soupy mush as I sat there staring blankly at the pc screen.. then out the window.. then back at the screen... then daydreaming... then finally counting down to "closing time".

SECOND DAY! which was today... in the morning, they made me edit client profiles. Took me about 30 minutes, but I decided to stretch it out to 3 hours (up until lunch time) why? I didn't want my brain to turn into slush again. At least I was doing something. ...After lunch, the boss came back.... with TONS of work for me to suddenly do! Edit this article... write about this.. summarize this... transcribe this...

OK! one at a time, please! I haven't finished anything today, so I just have to continue tomorrow... of course!

So... the first day, my brain turned into slush... and on the second day, it was forcedly put to work all of a sudden! But, don't get me wrong... i do think it's going to be a fun job.. (how i hope! ^_^)

Let's just see what happens next....

Counting Down to a New Beginning

In less than a week, I will say 'adios' to my freelancing job and say 'hello' to my new regular, normal, go-to-the-office job. Yes, I accepted the job offer and yes, my anxiety level is still shooting through the roof.

Everyday, I try to pace myself and try to breathe normally. So, when I wake up every morning ever since I decided to accept the job--even though I'm anxious beyond my anxiety limit--I try to think to myself: "this is a new beginning with new possibilities! I can do it!"

Yes, I've come to the point where I have to psych myself! But, here I am.. about to take the plunge! My sister tells me I look like a goldfish about to swim with the piranhas. I tell her, it's ok! Those piranhas will teach me to act like one! and she says, "unless they eat you first." So, at night, i think to myself: "Piranhas or sharks, I will take the plunge and dive head first and survive! Yes, I can!"

Public relations writing... Though I have absolutely NO idea what that is, besides the fact that I will write about a certain product/client, I will just GO AHEAD with it! Dealing with the public... honestly, I am shy. If i could crawl into my shell, i would.. but NO! I would face the world and meet and greet new people (who knows, my prince charming might be one of the people I would meet in this new job!). Teamwork? I'm all for it! Let's go! I can do it!

Well.. let's just find out what happens... til then, I will try to keep my anxiety level on a normal scale... though it's peaking now! YIKES!

New beginning.. here I come! ^_^

A Window Opens

You know what they say, "When one door closes, another one opens".
I've been feeling BLAH about my freelance job as an english tutor mainly because it's irregular. I knew that when decided to do it and thought, "hmm.. this will just be temporary"... well... i've been doing it for more than 2 years and it's STILL irregular!

For the past few weeks, I've been feeling bummed out about my so-called job and was almost going to declare it as the "lowest of the low points in my life".

A simple text message changed it.

One night, my friend sent me a text message asking if I already found a "normal, regular" job. I simply replied, "nope". She asked me to email her my resume and a writing sample. So I did!

A few days later, I received an email from the company she's working at. It read: "Please come in on Monday, April 5, at 10am for an exam and interview". WOW! I though, "is this it? is this the answer to my prayers and all my complaints about how my so-called freelancing job is boring and stagnant?"

I went in on Monday and took the writing exam (which I finished in 30 minutes!) I was interviewed and my interviewer said, "I'm impressed with the way you write articles! I have to talk to my boss about you and we'll give you a call within the day"

I went home, had lunch, played my nintendo DS (yes, i have one! I'm such a video game dork, really). In the middle of a racing game, my cellphone rang. Darnit! That call just made me crash my car! "hello?", i answered. "Hi this is _______. I read your resume and your article, please come in tomorrow for a follow-up interview"

So I did! I went back tuesday and the boss talked to me and said, "I'm impressed with your writing skills! I want you to work with me with ______ account!" She handed me a contract and I'm due in the office in about 2 weeks from now.

Now.... I haven't signed the contract YET! She gave me a week to ponder and decide about the work load, the job description, the benefits and such. Everything looks good... my only concern is: I'VE NEVER WORKED IN PUBLIC RELATIONS BEFORE.. EVER!! AND I'VE NEVER WRITTEN FOR PUBLIC RELATIONS/PROMOS... EVER!!!

I'm scared, anxious, jittery about all this. Don't get me wrong, I'm psyched about having a "regular, normal" job (plus, my friend works there, too!). I'm just having all these mixed emotions about the job itself. What if I screw up? What if I make mistakes? What if they realize that I'm not such an impressive writer after all??

All these concerns, fear and anxiety circle in my head! I can't even sleep well at night after those two interviews.

Please help? I just need a little push...

I always think that this is a great opportunity.. there's a reason why my freelance job is stagnant and bland these past few weeks... it's because something out there is better.. and it's waiting for me.... now i think, "can i really be brave and jump in a pool full of sharks and tame them?"

Sticky Notes of Thoughts