Roller Coaster of Life.... and Dreams

Sometimes we're up and sometimes we find ourselves going down... other times, we feel like our world has gone topsy-turvy.

Well, i think i'm in a loop now.  I've been sooo down these days, but today, after meeting my friends and taking a trip down memory lane... i feel like i'm going up to a loop now cos i know that the days that follow, i would feel miserable again.

Call this a cry for help or a cry for advice... but.... any tips on how to stay focused and keep thinking positively?

MUCH LOVE to all my bloggy friends who are always there to support me when i need it. ^_^

When You Can't Accept that "He's Just NOT That Into You"

Yes, I recently read that book because it was recommended to me by one of my friends.  I can say that I learned a lot from it. It's a real eye-opening book, believe it or not.  BUT! It's so much easier to understand what you're reading that actually applying it in real life. These are just some of what I remember and what I can relate to:

"He's just not that into you if he disappears on you"
- yes, i've had this experience and believe me.. it wasn't peachy, especially since it was one of my guy friends since we were in grade school.  We dated in high school, and we dated as adults again (hoping that the 'maturity' has set in for both of us). It started out great and we got to reconnect. He even said that he loves me. All of a sudden *POOF!* he vanishes into thin air--no calls, no texts, no nothing. 
- Greg (the author of the book) wrote that girls shouldn't waste their time thinking about "WHY?" because there's no other reason than "he's just not that into you"
-BUT it's so damn hard NOT to think about it because there's no closure. Of course, I wanted to know WHY?! alright, he may not be into me... but at least he could have told me straight up.

"He's just not that into you if he bullies you"
- The term "bullying" is a touchy matter.  I think that you are being bullied if you are deeply offended or affected by what other people are directly saying about you or are doing to you.  I'm seeing (we just had  a chance for a 'real' date once but we see each other everyday at work) this guy who always calls me names. At first it was funny for me, too. But it became an everyday (nay, every minute) occurrence that it started to annoy the hell out of me. Then he started saying things about me to other people. BUT when we're alone, he couldn't keep his eyes and hands off me.
- Greg said, that these kinds of guys are insecure and should be avoided at all costs because any guy who bullies a girl would just not be that into the girl.
-BUT if you've already fallen hard for this guy, it's hard to detach your feelings from him.  Yes, we started out fine and he just progressed into this name-calling machine. My feelings are already grounded and it's hard to pull them out.
 - This guy also seems to not care AT ALL about how i feel. He used to be ok.. but now, he just doesn't show that he cares. He even ignored me today and acted all "i-don't-give-a-damn-care-about-what-you-do". AND he started messaging other girls on Facebook, calling them 'honey' or 'sweetie' or commenting on photos and videos of other girls with 'HOT!' or "you're pretty".



SO WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?

There are guys out there who are plain and simple COWARDS.  Instead of being a real man and telling me how they feel straight up, they simply vanish into thin air or try to hurt me (possibly hoping that I would go away).  Well you know what? Too bad that they're cowards.  When I like somebody, I like them from the heart. And if they're too stupid to realize how much love i can give them, then it's their loss. It's CLICHE, i know.

It's so easy to write all this down, but i can't seem to apply what i've written in real life.  Right now, i'm overcome with mixed emotions of anger, confusion and pain.  I so want it all to be ok. I want me to be ok and strong. But in reality, deep inside i'm crumbling into millions of tiny pieces--again.  I want to know why. WHY? Am I that ugly that they just keep running away as soon as they get close to me?  Now, that makes me even more depressed.

At a Loss for Words... or Text Messages...

After over a month of late-night calls and seemingly unlimited sugary-sweet text messages from this certain guy in my life, all of a sudden *POOF* the calls and text messages vanishes without a trace into thin air.

What's up with that? Don't go all "He's Just Not That Into You" mode! I read that book and yes, he is in one of those categories: he's 'the guy who is already in a relationship'. BOO!

Yes... yes... I know what kind of silly trap I got myself into. I fell into his charms and went blind all of a sudden. But now that I've managed to pull myself up to see the light, I know that what I did (or even about to do, most likely) was wrong... way wrong.


I can go on and on about the error of my ways, but I'd rather share the roller coaster ride of emotions I went and still am going through.

First, there was happiness in me. Who would've thought that the guy I've been best friends with and liked since we were 13 years old, would be the guy that I'd finally be able to spend more time with as "more than friends"?

Then, there was guilt. I always thought, "I'm hurting his girlfriend in the process" or "What if I were the girlfriend, how would I feel?"

Then there was nonchalance and the b*tch-attitude: "It's not my problem" or "I'm getting what I want anyway" or "sorry, 'girlfriend' but he's spending more time with me...score!"

After that, there came jealousy: "Why isn't he coming during lunch anymore?" "He's spending more time with her now!!" or "He's too busy with her now, I hate her!" or "what does she have that I don't?" and sometimes, "he's doing more stuff with her! Eww!"

Then came bitterness: "If he'd rather spend more time with her, then good riddance!" or "I'm prettier than her..."

Now there is sadness: "....how come he doesn't pick me?" "is there something wrong with me?"

But slowly, there's acceptance, hope and confidence: "I was able to live and be happy before all this happen, so I can just go back to being happy with my friends" and "If it's not meant to be, I won't force it" and "We're still friends, and if that's the way it should be between us, that that's the way it will be"

Honestly, I'm still jumping from one emotion to another. I still haven't set a firm foot on the last emotion... but it's there sometimes....

OY! the pickles I get myself into!  Thank God for good friends! I share everything with them and they are able to put a smile on my face and laughter in my heart, you know who you are! ^_^

To my bloggy friends or (Friend), thanks for taking time to read this post. You are the best !!


MUCH LOVE!

ps: have you or anyone you know ever been in this position before? What did u do or say?